Mothers letters to teen daughters-An Open Letter to My Moody Pre-Teen Daughter | Babble

I know how you feel. You may think I do not. I am your mother—a relic from another time, one who does not understand your pain, your life changes, your struggles, or how you think and act. The world is different than when I was your age, but the feelings are the same. I felt all these things, too.

Mothers letters to teen daughters

Mothers letters to teen daughters

The world can be such a scary place! I have nothing but your best interest at heart. BabyDaughterFamilyfamily tiesgrowing updaughtereloveraising childrenraising kidsTeenTeenagerTeenagerstween. You will disappoint me, frustrate me, make me Mahesh bhatt wife I am going crazy, and cause me to question my own beliefs—but this is normal. I Mothers letters to teen daughters not against of making new friends and exploring the new you. But nothing you will do can cause me to stop loving you. Share your views and thoughts with us in the comments section below. Behaviour of my teenage daughter. You will fail badly.

Mickey and minne kissing. This is my Letter, to All Daughters:

Bonni says:. Related Searches travel journal book Gift cards for wine lovers memory journals card book beer journal book puzzles book animals personalized book. Ugh I know. Mothers letters to teen daughters first this seems so strange, as I have never been told this…. I want to be a mother a daughter can be proud of, just like you. I never believed anyone that she had problems. Thank you, Mom. Right after that my ex husband parentally kidnapped my youngest son and moved miles away to the tene side of the country. I see all the things you've gone Mothers letters to teen daughters in your life, and I realize that you have done so much. But Should! I hope that this New Year brings you much love peace and happiness! It will make you bitter and cause damage to your physical and emotional health. He has since said I am gone from The family.

No matter how big you get, you will always be my baby girl.

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Let me first begin this letter by saying, I know. I really do know …. Call me crazy. I also wanted to apologize for not spending a small fortune on Gap or Justice clothing so you could out-do the girl who sits next to you in math class. Bummer that a thunderstorm knocked out Nickelodeon last night.

I really wanted you to be able to finish watching that show that oddly resembles the other 78 pre-teen shows that have aired over the past month. By golly, this is America, land of the free! I love you, Sweetie. Please know that. Already talked with mom. Oh, and it was super helpful for both of us to find out recently that we have ruined your life! I know it is totally life-ending to be asked to keep your room clean or place your backpack on its proper hook after school.

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I am proud of who you are. I too often find it difficult to breathe. I am so thankful that my mom taught me many of the same lessons, and using your parents as an excuse is always effective! This is priceless. Great post, Jill!

Mothers letters to teen daughters

Mothers letters to teen daughters

Mothers letters to teen daughters. A World of Women

Her goal is to help people live their best lives every day by sharing her joy and love of life. I am a daughter, and I am the mother of daughters. Growing up, I felt constantly critical of my mother and the job she did raising us. She was too strict. She was too disconnected. She was too much in my business. She was too distant. She was never the mother I wanted her to be. It didn't matter what she did or didn't do, she couldn't win in the eyes of her teenage daughter.

I couldn't wait to grow up and do everything right. I'd show her and everyone else just how things should be done. Then, I had children of my own.

I didn't have just one or two, no, I took motherhood to a whole new level. I have eight children and five daughters. It took a while, but by the time my oldest reached her teen years, I tearfully called my mom and apologized for everything.

I realized then how hard it is to be a mom. I'd like to start by saying I am so sorry. I am sorry for all the times I was embarrassed by you.

I remember you telling me about when you were embarrassed by your mom because she didn't shave behind her knees. I rolled my eyes when you told me that, thinking it would be the least of my problems. The thing is, I couldn't say it then, but I proudly say it now. I was always proud of you. My friends all thought you were cool. I hated that. I always told them that you were not cool. I even remember in middle school, one of the popular kids asking me why I couldn't be as cool as my mom.

Not only did I get mad, but I was embarrassed that even my mom was cooler than me. But, inside, where no one could see, I was proud of how cool you were and still are.

I secretly thought you were beautiful. I remember looking at you, hoping that I could have your beautiful legs, your engaging smile, your fun laugh.

There were times when I thought you looked like a movie star. Breathtaking beauty surrounded your aura, and I could see men enthralled by you. Not only were your suitors captivated, but so too, I. I hoped beyond hope that I could grow up beautiful and sophisticated like you. I would never admit it out loud then, but I proudly say it now.

I admire you. I didn't only envy your beauty, but also your strength. You are one of the strongest women I've ever known. You are brave. You are brilliant. And, you never give up.

You didn't give up on yourself, and you didn't give up on me. You didn't give up on me when I was a terrible brat. You didn't give up on me when I got pregnant in high school. You didn't give up on me during the twenty long years I spent being abused. You stood beside me, sometimes quietly and unobtrusively, watching and ready to rescue me if I needed it.

Through all those years, all those children, and all those trials, you always believed in me. You believe in me still, even when I give up on myself. No matter what stupid mistakes I make repeatedly, no matter how many dumb decisions I make, or crazy ideas I have, you are always there, to encourage and support me, even if you don't agree. I admire your intelligence. You are smart and wise.

I know you gave up your dreams of being a pharmacist when I came along. I can't imagine all the dreams you actually gave up just for me and because of me, but I am glad you are my mom. I always remember you reading.

And thinking. I could never pull the wool over your eyes. You figure things out long before I do. When I come up with the next crazy idea, you always laugh and encourage me to give it a try. You remind me that my head is in the clouds, and to keep my feet on the ground, but you always encourage me to follow my dreams.

I believe in myself because of who you are. I see all the things you've gone through in your life, and I realize that you have done so much. And it inspires me to be better, to try harder and to make you proud. Always in the back of my mind is the thought that I want to make you proud, mom. Everything I do, I think of you, and I hope that you will be proud of me. There have been many difficult and painful moments, not only for me but for you, over the last fifty years.

Through it all, you have always been there. You are the one person who has always been in my life, every day since I was born. I can't imagine how terribly I treated you when I was young, and how smug I was when I became a mom. I can't apologize enough for thinking that I could do life better than you. Lots of experience has shown me that, just like I do now, you've always done the best you knew how. You didn't set out to make life hard. You intended to be the best mom and best person you could, given the circumstances you faced at the time.

If you had asked when I was growing up, I would have emphatically responded that you were absolutely trying to ruin my life. I believed then that you deliberately tried to do things to make me miserable.

I know now that being a parent is hard. You do the best you can with the tools you have. You make difficult decisions, hoping to protect and nurture your children. And sometimes, life goes in unpredictable directions. Sometimes things take an unexpected turn. Sometimes things go bad in huge, unexpected ways. Through all those experiences, you have loved me, supported me, and encouraged me to be the best I can be.

I had no idea that I would ever be a mom. And I never expected to have eight children. And I had no idea what a blessing you would be to my life. Each one of you has followed a unique and beautiful path. Each of you started out as a beautiful baby, then went through the terrible toddler years, to become wonderful young daughters.

I believe she has estranged herself from the family because she realizes that we found out about her secret lifestyle of drugs and risky sex.

A lot of it Carol is about what they have done, the lies they told and the inability to face the truth. Many have weaved themselves into a corner and are stuck with the stories they have told. Sad as it is, it is often at the expense of their parents. It takes a lot of maturity for many to own what they themselves have done in their youth. My daughter has been estranged for 17 years, and my son for She managed to sway him too. Your letter touched places deep. I completely agree that they will learn from her that parents are expendible.

I lays wonder what kind of mother can she be? Thank you for writing this BernAdette. My sentiments exactly. This happens quite often where an estranged child will sway another along.

Sadly no one wins. Thanks for reading me and for connecting! Thank you for the article; it was beautifully written! We have been estranged from our son now for a few months.

We believe this fits the description of our son. We were not physically or emotionally abusive parents. We are hoping that this estrangement is short-lived but we are also hoping that during this time he learns the lessons he needs to and matures some.

Again, thank you for the article. I am sorry! A lot of young people today seem to have difficulty accepting responsible, truly the entitlement generation.

And for many when they fail or fall short, they were abused. Everyone owes them. We worked hard and we played hard. Kids today often have no drive or direction and they want instant gratification. All the best to you!

Thanks for connecting! Hopefully one day the light will go on for him. Others are very helpful but it all, our society has increasingly caused a division with everyone in our home, perhaps ending going to church or a social group because it became superficial, family not calling, talking and holidays coming to an end perhaps due to our own oppression from these situations.

When someone is mature, and face to face in conversation and can explain with reasons why they have shut off communications with us and perhaps the entire family we have a foundation to work with, the reason[s] might seem to be misinformation, a distortion due to some guilt.. It makes it even worse to know how to ever get back to dealing with them. We are not to let the sunset on our anger, this means one days rest. Not a week, a month, a year or decades.

Think of the worst kind of parent and what they could do to get their child to walk away and never speak again! Got that image? Ok… Have you sat or slept in contemplation of what you possible did to them?

Maybe the child was hiding their stealing or drug use, or doing someone they think is so bad they can not share it………The point I am getting to is that anything can be brought to closer. We also have a world, a school system that shares their views of independence and lack of value of their parents and even siblings. You have a lot of competition out there.

As with this epidemic on narcissistic behavior, empathy and compassion are void in their brains………. I have two estranged adult children out of 5 and my husbands daughter who is now 40 walked away at 18 and only saw her dad once since this time, not even sharing her getting married or having a some who is now 18 and even a divorce and remarriage. The two I have I saw for 2 days 7 years ago and they live across the US and do not write, call, holidays, birthdays..

I hope the host here comes back to open this again.. I always through a conference call would be great. I was even careful to find a respectable card not saying too much and this is as far as I got in a week……….. What a shame not to know what to say to someone you raised since before their birth. We have three Feb birthdays, one is easy to write, call,etc. I want a reason before I die. Just a reason. Thanks for listening today!!

Blessings and Happy Valentines Day soon to you call, Elizabeth. It took a long time and after communicating with thousands of estranged family members to learn that it is different and complicated.

It was easier for her to run away from me, make me out to be the sick evil one than to face me. When I saw her special needs grown son that she abandoned it all became so clear to me. I hope you find the answers and the peace that you seek. Today in retrospect I should not have grieved so long and hard and sacrificed my peace and quality of life for anyone!

Be well! I belong to a FB support group of over women. Thanks Sue for connecting! Sadly you are correct as it has affected so many families and devastated so many parents. There are many support groups and it helps so much. In the beginning many parents are so hurt, ashamed and embarrassed. Thanks again for reaching out to me. Hi Fran! The Support Group is online on Facebook just search for Support Page for Parents of Adult Estranged Children, you will find thousands of parents here that share their stories.

This is the link to the group, there are many private groups also. Hi Sue, I read your message to Bernadett that you and a group of women have a private support group on FB.

I would like to receive information on joining your group. Sue, I would like to receive information on how to join your private support group for alienated, estranged children- this silent death of the heart. My information is below. Namaste, Karen. I would like to join your support group if it is still going.

I have been estranged from my son for 7 months now and he will not let me see or send any gifts to my 3 grandchildren who I spent time with every week since they were born.

They live within a few miles of us and it is absolutely destroying me. It helps to hear from others who are dealing with this. We have an online support group there. Tako tsubo, by the way, are octopus traps that resemble the pot-like shape of the stricken heart. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. I was looking for scripture to provide some biblical guidance.

Their would never been problems like this if God was in the center of their decisions. I really enjoyed reading your article. I have been estranged from both my daughters for 9 months now. They hate my partner of 7 years because of us splitting up and getting back together several times. They gave me an ultimatum him or them…I chose them all. I love my daughters dearly but will not allow them to tell me how to live my life.

I have a granddaughter who is nearly 2 and I miss her so much. My youngest daughter is pregnant and I found this out from my 9 yr old son who very rarely hears from his sisters. I am so sorry … I understand. I bet your children think they are acting out of love and wanting to protect you!

Maybe if they see you happy and stable they will come around? Thanks for connecting and for sharing! When I insisted he apologize, he refused. He has since said I am gone from The family. I am confused. You say you were estranged from your own mother for 23 years your choice ; Are you saying you set an example to your own daughter and as a result she became estranged from you?

If you were the one that walked away, were you not the one who estranged your mother and not vise versa-just asking? Even though I felt justified it was still the example my children witnessed.

Thanks for asking! That sad part is to see history repeat itself. Life is so short. At the end of the day. Family is all we have. As my mother watched her, I was forced to work 2 jobs to make ends meet and keep her well feed and in a good Catholic school.

I struggled with depression and low self esteem and spent many years thinking that the answer to our situation was perhaps getting remarried, giving her a father figure and improving our economy. I suppose this contributed to her feeling abandoned. Her friend tells me that this estrangement is the consequences I have to pay for the way I was back then. And nothing will change her mind. I guess she came to this conclusion that she needed to estrangement herself from me, a little over 5 years ago guided by a new therapist she started seeing.

Nothing will change according to her. Thinking of sending this to the E-DIL. Wonder if it will help. My father remarried when I was yrs. Shortly After my own divorce and within a 9 mo. I was greatful to have her and that side of my families support through such a horrific experience and painful time in my life. Not long after, the fact that her 3rd husband and I did not see eye to eye caused me to not only lose my mom which was my best friend, but my younger siblings were forbidden to see me until they were Right after that my ex husband parentally kidnapped my youngest son and moved miles away to the opposite side of the country.

Devistated and in shock…I had no family even then. Not one came to my home. I was able to get a message to my ex husband through my ex inlaws facebook about the tragedy, yet he refused to allow my only surviving 13 yrs. I still have yet to be reunited with my now only child and he will be 15 next month. Without them its not really living at all…merely existing. There is nobody to share in your triumphs , no reminiscing, no holiday traditions or any other for that matter, no shoulder to cry on, no feeling of self worth or that feeling of being needed…wanted.

Family is purpose, I miss my family. Dear Crystal, my heart broke reading your letter. I am so sad for what you have lived through.

I just had to tell you that. Bernadette, could I ask why you deleted your mother form your life, if your father was the abuser why would you not allow your child a relationship with her grandmother and wider family? For many years my mother was estranged from her entire family. They reconciled when her father was literally on his death bed. So I did witness this behavior as a child when I was growing up.

I am praying that you are totally blessed. Shame on your daughter. I cried after reading this. My ED has done this to me many times and Im too old at 61 to keep putting up with the abuse.

I am fortunate to have 2 other adult children and grandchildren who love and adore me. My heart goes out to you. Hi Cindy! Thanks for reading me and for sharing your thoughts! Thank God you have other children and grandchildren. I wish mine nothing but the best! We have a wonderful son at home that still needs us and appreciates us. He is really kind and se easy to have around. We love spoiling him!

Life is Good! Thanks again! Thank God you have a son. I feel better knowing that. Your blogs have given me such insight and comfort. Thank You. I see a lot of parents saying woe is me. I see some even being told exactly what they did wrong to violate that sacred trust between parent and child. Not one apologize. The responsibility is greater with the parents thant the child, adult or not. Understand just because you are the parents does not give you a free for all to demand they love you.

Once you violate that trust, you may very well spend the rest of your life making amends if you want a relationship with them. I went three years not speaking to my mother. At that point she had turned her entire family against me with lies. She had convinced my brothers I was the one in the wrong. That i was hurting her, simply because I would not talk to her. She accused me of withholding her grandchildren from her when I never refused them an opportunity to speak with her.

There comes a time when boundaries must be respected. Even for parents. And if you cross those lines…. Do I speak to my mom now? There are, however, very clear boundaries. Good for you Susan! To your health! Family members often do and say things that a friend would never do and say and expect to remain friends.

Thanks for reading, writing, sharing and connecting! Now my own mother was extremely abusive to me growing me — physically and emotionally and she continued the emotionally abuse well into my adulthood ever after telling her repeatedly what she was doing wrong. She never listened. Because of her abusive behavior, 4 out of 5 of her children estranged himself from her. Sadly, because of her mental condition, she never understood why. Fast forward to my adult son who estranges himself for periods of time off and on.

Even though I am absolutely nothing like my mother and never did any of the things she did nor abused my own kids, estrangement is my greatest fear. Apologies should come from whoever is doing the wrong doing and that is not always the parent. Once kids are grown, they are capable of making completely wrong choices and doing the wrong things to others. We should keep begging for love and putting our children in a bad situation just because these messed up people are our parents?

I think NOT! Sure I get that, we can forgive and have peace, but not live in a lie. I will NOT subject my children to a lifetime of abuse from their grandparents or any family just because they are blood. It is sad but much better than the anguish of twisted thoughts and beliefs being planted in my precious little ones. If you read the entire article you know that I have been on both sides!

I am not in support of continuing an abusive relationship but I do believe it is probably best to have limited exposure than a full cut off, having said that for years I grieved the loss of a child and now I can see where her decision to estrange has been a blessing in disguise. We all have to do what is best and some adult children estrange over a relationship, over a boy and then they grow up and that boy is gone and so are their parents. So instead of accepting their poor choices that many of us make as a teenager they continue with lies and abuse allegations.

Sometimes tolerance is all that is missing and again I am not talking about abuse. I have removed myself from several abusive relationships through the years and I have no regrets in doing so.

Only you know for sure what works best for you! Only you know for sure if your parents are abusive and unhealthy. As a mother I chose to cut a child sexual abuser out of all my kids lives only to be accused later of keeping relatives away from our children. It was the right thing then and it is still the right thing to do. If a known child molester is in the family, regardless of who he is you keep ALL children away from him, period.

Yes Kayla, you must re read the posting. Hi Bernadette This is a beautifully written article, and I can really feel your pain. Both were confronted he neither admitted nor denied. There was no big fight. I was just excluded and shunned. However, if she excluded and shunned you, why are you then saying that you were the one that estranged yourself?

Have you tried family therapy as a method of reconnecting with her, healing yourself and moving forward? I know some parents do choose this! It happens on both sides and is painful regardless of what side you are on.

They are people too with their own issues … So sorry for your loss and thanks for sharing and for connecting! Excellent articles thank you. I am still trying to breathe, just breathe. I am so sorry Mary Ann! I know just how heartbreaking and devastating this can be … please know that you are not alone! Peace and hugs! I have had intensive therapy and read lots of books, self reflection, prayers and meditation.

But, learning to compartmentalize is key. XOX hugs. In the beginning I blamed myself for everything! And would have done anything to fix it! After educating myself and learning how often this happens I learned not to take it so personally to let go to forgive myself and accept her for who she truly is … Only then did I come to peace with it all. Thank you for your response. I swing between good and bad days — or should that be moments?

I have a wonderful son who has also been cut off but I certainly hope she will still communicate with him. They were always close. I refuse to lie down and die, I have a good life and intend to live it out in enjoyment! Bless you.

So sorry Dawn! I know that feeling I was there! It took me years to accept. Now 18 years later we are strangers. I have nothing at all left for her I never thought I would be here. Perhaps your situation will be different but you must take care of yourself. No one no one is worth feeling so badly over. Surround yourself with the people you love and the things you love. Peace and love, Bernadette. A few weeks ago I spent two days with my son and came away realizing we have become strangers.

He is 44, married with two children, and lives miles away from me and my husband. I too often find it difficult to breathe. On the first day of a new year I feel it is so important to be able to move on. Thank you.

A Letter to My Teenage Daughter

Your email address will not be published. Home A Letter from a mother to her teenage daughter! How to stay safe at outdoor events September 28, How to keep your child safe with personal safety alarms? October 6, A Letter from a mother to her teenage daughter! Published by Sumit Kumar at October 6, Categories Blog. I knew forever in my heart, this day would come when my caterpillar would become a butterfly and fly away from me to explore the world. I know by now you got the idea and you are preparing yourself for the long lectures.

Trust me, it took me around a week to present the same without intending on to scare you off. Baby, I know you are all grown up and can take care of yourself, Still, keep these small things in mind. A mom Sweety, whenever you feel low or the world is not treating you well, come to me. I know you love posting everything online. Trust me it will pass, true friends will encourage your priorities and respect them.

I have slipped a Mace Brand pepper spray in the front pocket of your backpack. Carry it with you always and use it wisely. I am not against of making new friends and exploring the new you. Be a little cautious while making friends. Keep a check on whom you mingle with. Baby, keep these small things in mind it will help you be aware of your safety. My blessings are always with you, try not to get into troubles and be safe. I know I smother you at times, but try keeping up with this old lady.

Hope to see you soon. Hugs And Kisses Mom. Sumit Kumar. Leave a Reply Cancel reply Your email address will not be published.

Mothers letters to teen daughters